He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
