How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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