so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Bring me that man meat
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
