so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
