I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize