It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
