I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize