it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
