Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
