It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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