found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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