Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
