I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
