I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
