I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
