I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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