Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize