are you so shy because you have an std?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
