ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i drank out of a bidet.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i believe in u and ur pee
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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