I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
