okay pat passed out under dana's car
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
