We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this will be a night to untag.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
