just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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