Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
