I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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