dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I use my feet as sexual weapons
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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