Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
