OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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