Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
