this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
