spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
