: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
