cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
