Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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