I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize