Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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