Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
