How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
