So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
4 words: hood of his car
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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