She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
