i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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