I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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