the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
