I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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