I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
