Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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