I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
