he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
