can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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