so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
