Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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