I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
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