You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
