I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
