i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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