He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
