Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
