Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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