Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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