can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
