I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
