I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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