if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
